Post Op Appt

Well I am home and doing nothing, well sleeping, watching the Hallmark channel and reading books and trying to heal! About 23.75 out of 24 hours. I have ok days and terrible days. I got a bath in so that was an accomplishment, but just that wore me out-I have zero energy!!! I went to my post op appt and I got my drains out-which hurt and burned! But kind of nice not to be hauling(well laying) around 2 big grenade things and milking tubes, measuring outputs, etc...Were trying to find a pain pill that wont make me delusional, dizzy, and all that junk feeling. Its been a long week trying to find a great pain pill. Hope the script she gave me today works. I cant get my pain under control and she said that's what's slowing my healing is I'm in so much pain. I also have some blackening so we will have to keep an eye on it and she prescribed cream to try to save the skin. So not a great appt, but not terrible. I looked at me self in the mirror today and feeling discouraged and sad. It is not me and I definitely am not past the mourning stage. Wednesday when we got to the hospital I cried the 3 hours I was waiting for surgery and was balling as they put me under. I kept asking Mike-take me home I don't want to do this. He doesn't listen well. My doctor prayed with us- She told me I don't lock the doors you can choose not to have the surgery,  I know short term that would be the right thing to do, but not the long term-waiting for cancer! I still feel like I should and then I shouldn't. When I looked in the mirror today, it was definitely, I shouldn't have. I had a wonderful women that had this done 12 years ago call me this morning and shared with me that there will be pity party days and some days where you think how awesome I don't ever have to worry about breast cancer. I totally agree with her, I felt like she gave me permission to pity and mourn and rejoice. And I think I needed that today. God sends just the right people when we need them.
I want to send a huge thank you for the meals we received, it is just 1 less thing Mike has to worry about and do. Right now Mike is constantly busy taking care of me and our 4 kiddos. He is doing a fantastic job though! Couldn't have asked for a better care giver!
So please keep praying for healing and pain control. I would absolutely love and appreciate it!
Thank you to all that are still are praying for us. It helped me so much with my anxiety and worry before surgery. SO a HUGE THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!!!