4 months...... Where did it go?

Hello everyone. Can you believe it's been 4 months today that Melina was born? The past 4 months have been crazy busy. The boys were all in sports this summer- golf,tennis,soccer, and band. A lot of running around. Melina has not been a good baby. Shes getting better, but week 5-12 yikes!!! I don't know if it's colic or if it's just a female thing. She still gets up an average of 4 times a night to nurse. I've tried cereal,doesn't help. I don't know what to do for her. She goes tomorrow for her check up but I did weigh her a week and a half ago and she was just shy of 12 lbs. Small peanut,still in 0-3 and 3 month clothes. She's built like her daddy- long torso and short legs. At 2 months she was 9% for height. Hardly any hair yet, but orange so far. Her orange brother Micah loves that she has orange too. The boys are adjusting well. Brody holds her and Micah just loves her so much and prays for her and worries about her so. Bailey try a lot to help,sometimes too much! But he loves her a lot too. The first 2 months was rough for Bailey,as he was the baby for 6 years. Baby talk,we moved him to his bed-big transition but now great!!! He had the hardest time. Sunday we had Melina baptized. She smiled as the water went down her face. She did so great! What a great gift! The sermon fit perfectly with my pregnancy,speed bumps in life as Gods way of slowing you down sometimes. Amen to that. Life was way easy last year. Maybe to easy... I believe everything happens for a reason, and I needed to get back to depending on God for everything, and I think that when life gets easy you tend to feel like you don't need God. But when it's rough he's at the center, number 1. I felt so close to him when I was pregnant, it was my speed bump. I hope he doesn't allow that again..lol... We had our brother in law Alex sing, he has such an amazing voice. He sang at our wedding to. Love to hear him sing-what a gift God gave him. My family showed up almost all of it- that was amazing itself. Anyways Brodys birthday is tomorrow, he is 14!!! Hokey smokey! When did that happen. Friday was homecoming and I was at school all day getting it ready and I just kept thinking I was just here. Seriously where does the time go? It doesn't help that he has like 3 out of 5 teachers I had. Weird! And they all look the same... He is such a great kid! Loves to be himself, I love that about him,he doesn't care who likes him. I wish I was like that in high school. That's all I wanted in high school,to be cool and liked by all. I hope it lasts a long time. Great quality!!! Needs to study more though....
Micah is in 4 th grade now. Doing great. He's my book worm. Always reading,studying,trying to find out something he doesn't know already. He was devastated that Steve Jobs died last Wednesday. He wants to be him so bad. He cried himself to sleep saying I just wanted to meet him. Poor guy, just that morning he was listening to his pod cast about the iphone5. He listened to him every time he spoke. He's doing good this week. He's starting to like girls, which is fun and different, because not even Brody care about them yet. Trouble in the making. His new thing is he's saving for college. He wants to go to Calvin. Boy save your money!!!
Bailey well kindergarten is going good all green lights so far. Loves recess and plays with girls mainly. He is in a stage with yogurt and pb and j. Last week we got a call from the doctor after blood work was done that Micah and Bailey have high cholesterol. The doctor called me herself there BMI is at like 10 and normal is 19, they are both underweight. And went threw there diets and we got referred to a specialist. The doctor thinks it's heredity. Well Mike has had high high cholesterol for the last like 8 years and probably longer. It scares me that my just 6 year old has very high cholesterol and I can't do anything about it. Very scary!!! I've gotten Micah to exercise- go treadmill. He's my indoor kid, so were working on the exercise part. Poor guy! But he's doing great as long as he has his iPod. Of course..
Me well trying to survive and not be too busy, but hard. The older 2 I'm on the road with just running here there and then the younger 2 want/need time. Just a lot of different stages in this house right now. Tired as my baby is seriously attached at the nipple every hour and a half to 2 hours!!! So very busy with that! She will not take a bottle- I've boughten 7 different kinds or take a paci. I sense a strong willed child.... Been thinking about going back to school in January but it all depends how Melina does as she gets older. She such a high maintenance baby, my boys were never like this... So my days are Filled with busyness but filled with such fulfillment. 4 kids at all different stages is amazing. It's like you know what's to come and it's so good. Brody is at such a fun stage. All of them are, but you can start to see who they mature into as people and know you did good. God did good!! He is so good! I just feel so blessed right now. God has given me a beautiful family of 6.
Thank you to all who has prayed for us and thought of us and taken care of us in the last year. The meals,cards,everything. You all are our family. And we appreciate and love you all. I will try to keep up on the blog, as I have slacked in the last few months. I hope you all have a great week and God bless you all:)

So we got ourselves a GIRL!!! Melina Mae Nyhof

I feel bad for not keeping everyone updated. So I thought I would get to letting everyone know how Melina made her way in to this world.
Last Friday I went in to the doctors office for my usual Tuesday and Friday non stress tests. I went in at 11. About 11:30 I had a huge contraction and the babies heart rate dropped and I started feeling light headed and just not right. I sat in there praying the nurse would come in asap so I could let her know babies heart rate dropped. About 10 minutes later she walked in, I told her how I was feeling and she looked at the strip and said I'll be right back. All of the sudden there was like 5 nurses in my room and they were trying to reach my doctor,she was out of the office. Meanwhile I kept having contractions from 4-5 minutes apart. Knowing the placentas issue and everything one of the nurses drove me to the hospital. I tried calling everyone I know on the way there, knowing Bailey took literally 94 minutes from top to bottom to deliver. I couldn't get ahold of no one for what seemed forever. I left mike a message. I finally got ahold of my dear friend Jaline and she meet me up at the hospital. Mike wasn't too far behind her. We sent Jaline to our house to get my bag which wasn't packed and a whole bunch of random things for labor and delivery. They put baby on monitors and we waited for dr. Meanwhile the nurses got me ready for my IV, 5 nurses and 7 tries- yikes!!!! Also lab came up for platelets for a c section( which ended up too low) I was in active labor at 36 weeks and 2 days. The doctor came in around 6 and popped my water, they were not going to stop my labor for fear that my placenta could not take it. So off were running. I was so scared and paranoid the whole time. The doctor discussed an epidurel, I didn't want 1, never had one, never want one. But him and my nurse at the time my cousin Shelly talked me into it for the fact that if they have to do an emergency c section they could access that port. So I agreed, so around 7 I got 1. My contractions basically disappeared, so they tried the least dose of pitosin because of my placenta and the baby didn't do good so they turned that off. It was touch and go the whole night. Csection or vag seriously every 20 minutes we were getting prepared for c secction. Very nerve racking labor. Around 11 pm my epidural decided to wear off on my right side, but I thought labor will be over soon enough. 3 am The nurse said we should call anesthesiologist to redo epidural I finally agreed, it kicked in right about the time she came out.3:35 am. Who knew 16 hours of labor would be so hard!!!! My longest ever was 6, I now feel sorry for all those long laboring women. 6 pushes later we have a baby GIRL!!!! Melina Mae Nyhof came out 6 lbs and 18 inches long. Orangey lite brown hair. And cute as can be. The doctor pulled her out and said to mike what is it dad and he looked at me with tears, it's a girl!!! He was so happy, he has wanted 1 for 10 years. He followed her around with the nurse, attached from birth. They cut my cord and attached it to Mike. She looks a lot like mike and a lot like Bailey when he was born. She does have my nose, the Brink nose, but that's about it. She was such a surprise. I had nothing for a girl. Who knew Mike could make 1? Her apgar came out at 8/9. She does have a high jaundice level though, well have to keep an eye on that. She is perfect to us!!!! I could not sleep afterwards so I just loved on her. She breastfed less then an hour after delivery. Latched right on, I am so excited, my boys were not that easy. I hope it continues. I had a few visitors that came up during the 2 days and got a few dresses for my little girl. And some flowers. Mike bought her my first Teddy that's about 4.5 feet tall that Bailey picked out in the gift shop. It's too cute!!!
Saturday when she was born emotionally I was great. But was worried because I had postpartum depression so bad right after delivery with Bailey. By Sunday I was a reck. Cried all day and all night. I think I have such a hard time with everything being out of my control,everything. I didn't get my belly cast done, bags packed, delivery tapped,and much more, just all of it was out of my control and a lot of regrets. I loved absolutely loved this pregnancy- dispite the complications. It was the best one ever. I felt so great the whole time and I love that feeling of her inside me, I miss it so much!!!! I'm doing better as each day goes by but still just miss her inside of me tremendously. I don't know if this is normal, I've never had this feeling before.
So tomorrow she'll be a week old,time flys!!!! She's nursing great. Up mostly nights of course and sleeps all day. But she was like that inside me too.
Brody absolutely loves her, he wants to hold her all the time and I find him just looking at her. Micah loves her and wants to hold her and kisses her all the time. Bailey is having such a hard time. He was the baby for almost 6 years. Poor guy!!! I just don't know what to do for him. Suggestions are welcome!!!!
A lot of people have asked how we came up with her name. Well We both liked Elin and all our kids have an m or b so we thought Melin, but then we found that Melina means- God has answered our prayers and thought it was perfect for her and our pregnancy. Mae is from my grandma Brink. She has had such an impact on my life.
Well we are enjoying our miracle baby so much and feel so blessed to have her and hold her. So many things could have happened in the last 8 months, but because of Gods great plans and all of your prayers we have a beautiful daughter that is healthy!!!! Thank you to all for the prayers,I truly believe we would not have her if it was'nt for all of them. Thank you again!!!

Still Prego!!!!!!

I am sitting in my bed eating a huge bowl of hudsonville cookies and cream ice cream thinking it won't be very long that I can eat like this!!!! So yes I am still pregnant, praise the Lord! I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything lately,our house got struck with lightening and have had no internet. My kids got out board games to play with this week with lots of complaints and wondered how Mike and I survived without the Internet when we were young. Were so bored-I can't hear it one more time or I am going to scream!!!!
Well the last few weeks have been challenging. Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since our last meal was brought in and then Mike was out of town 5 out of the 7 days and it has been just so stressful. I have no one to depend on so who has to do it me, so I did tell my doctor a week and a half ago that there is NO way to be on bed rest, she is not happy with me, but really what am I suppose to do. Mike travels for a living and has really tried to hold off traveling for the last 10 weeks and has so we've been very fortunate for that, but he has to do what he has to do to provide for us and my family is near nonexistence. So I have been moody, stressed,overwhelmed,etc....My hormones are flaring, my poor boys!!!!! I think it's just the fact that more and more is out of my control, and I hate to be out of control!!!!
So NST are going good,dr said we have a happy baby. It has such a low heartbeat,it sometimes scares me. I'm continuing to gain weight, I think I just eat so much now because I can, even if I am not hungry,I have an excuse. I go to dr every Tuesday and Friday pretty much and every visit I gain another pound. The doctor every visit is surprised I have made it this far, really so am I. She checked me Friday and said I'm not dilated at all, which is crazy considering the last 3 I have been at a 4 at or before 4 months along and with my last they sewed me up and now with this one nothing? I was so surprised and even a little disappointed. 1-4 is the longest, I usually have a head start when I go in. Bailey literally was an 94 minutes from 1 st contraction to delivery, I'm getting scared and nervous....
So I went to post this and half of my post was gone so I'll try again, just my luck lately.
So the dr gave us a few choices. We can deliver at 37 weeks if they do an amnio and the lungs are developed or not do amnio and get induced on the 29th. But she said with the amnio since it's a vulnerable womb it's a catch 22, it could not be good to do one also. So what do we do? My doctor here and gr consulted and both said I could try to do a vaginal birth. But I need to be mentally prepared to have a csection. If at anytime I start bleeding heavy there going to do csection. So do we schedule a csection or try a vaginal? We don't know, we need to think about it and let her know when we know. I mean what if we don't do the amnio at 37 weeks and the placenta tears apart from the wall and the baby dies at 37 weeks and 4 days, we'll forever regret not having it done and by then our baby would have died and we live with that regret forever. I just don't know, I just don't know what the right thing to do is. Both the doctors did say that my water could break at any time because of the blood dripping onto it for the last 9 months has made it week. So anytime I guess we could have a baby. She thinks 36 weeks it will break, thats in like 3 days, definitely not ready. Still need a lot of stuff...
On a positive note I have only been spotting for the last week, no major bleeding, which could be good or bad, but I'll keep thinking it's good.
I want to thank you all again, I feel like we were just 24 weeks and now 10 days from full term. Thank you God!!!!! We could not have done it without all of your prayers!!! It is truly a miracle this baby and my body have hung on this far. So thank you again and please continue to pray for a healthy baby and mama. Love you all and I hope you all have a great week and I'll try to keep you updated...
I did originally put a lot more information and details about my doctor reports, but I'm exhausted so maybe next time, sorry....and good night!!!!

33 weeks!!!!

We have made it to 33 weeks-yeah!!!!
Ultrasound, Nst, and doctor appt. Yesterday. Ultrasound went good, baby Nyhof weighs approximately 4.8 lbs. What a miracle. So placenta is still doing it's job. That's so amazing that it's only partly attached and working. I'm so happy... They could see hair too, it was coming off the back of the head by the neck. I though immediately oh no it has hair like mike use to, a mullet!!!! ( go 90's) and I thought of Joe Dirt.... I'm sure the baby will be much cuter though....Anyways... NST went great, baby was very very active. Appointment went good to. Blood pressure was a little higher then normal, which I don't like since I had preclamsia with the last 2, but they'll keep an eye on it. I gained almost 5 pounds in a week. Good grief, they were so happy with that, but as a women, whew that's a lot!!!! Mike was so happy with the weight gain too, he thinks the more I gain the baby gets bigger, bless his heart it's in the right place, but 5 pounds, it's suppose to be 1 a week. The doctor said placenta has not torn anymore in the last 2 weeks, praise the Lord!!!!! So I asked her can I start doing stuff now? She looked at me like I was crazy and said well talk about it at 37 weeks. What??? I'll be full term and it's another 4 weeks away.... I am just getting so bored....and moody.....I can not stand being out of control and depending on other people, I hate it.... I do love and appreciate everyone that has helped and continues to help out, I just would love to do it myself.... So here we wait, not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but trust God that it will all work out...
A lot of people have emailed me about Bailey, he's doing much better. Thank you for the prayers. He still has 2 ear infections, but his pneumonia is better. Poor guy he just laid there for almost a week. But he is back to his busy self..
I just want to say again thank you so much for everything. We appreciate it a lot!!!!! We could NOT have gotten this far with out all of you... The doctor is surprised every week she sees me, we just didn't ever think we'd make it to 33 weeks, its just so amazing to even say. 33 weeks!!!! It is truly God that is working and in control.....
Love you all and I hope you all have a great day!!!!

We made it to 32 weeks!!!!!

So obviously I cant sleep, I have been up since 2 thinking about how far we have come in over 7 weeks and was just so excited and feeling so blessed I can not sleep... So I had another doctor appointment yesterday and she was very encouraging. I want to start off by saying that right when I get there the nurse always asks me how my week was and so does the doctor, and I told them both that last week I bleed SO much!!!!And Saturday after bleeding for 4 heavy days I prayed and prayed and prayed that I would quit bleeding at least for Mothers Day and I did...Prayers answered!!!They both told me to do what works, keep praying!!!Isnt that encouraging!!!!Prayers are working...
My non stress test turned out good-baby reacted as they hoped for so that is great and I gained 1 pound in 1 week, so right on normal(at least 1 thing is normal)She still feels I need to gain more weight so she told me to go buy protein shakes and start drinking at least 1 a day. So if anyone out there knows of one and flavor thats good please let me know. My patients never liked them so I am nervous about having to drink them... So babys good, I am good(as good as I can be), so good, good....1 more week down.(literaly 1 more week we made it and 1 week laying down-haha!!)The doctor sat with me and just asked how I was doing. That was so great becuse I feel like its baby,baby,baby all the time and dont get me wrong I know why its baby all the time, but it was just so nice for her to be concerned with how I am doing and feeling. She said that she is proud of me and how far Ive come. Im with her,I think that I have accepted that I can go anytime and am ok(today-everyday varies)for the most part. I feel so very blessed the good Lord brought us from 24 weeks to 32 weeks...Isnt that amazing? Its a miracle....I figure if I go today,I got 7+ weeks in since diagnoses and that's HUGE!!! So I do feel so blessed today and just cant sleep.
So I am thinking I need to start getting prepared for a baby-I think I am getting mentally ready and am freaking out a little. I have put off the whole what do I need  because I feared the worst, but today I am hopeful, so time to start thinking about it. My dear friend Jaline is throwing me a baby shower this Sunday. Bless her heart, she has been such an amazing friend through out the years...She is a giver all the way....She is one of my strongest rocks-everyday she calls me,worries about me,prays for me, she is just one of those people that I dont know, that you just feel that God has placed in your life,she is just a true blessing.. So I am so looking forward to an outing and to see all of my dear friends and family, whom I love so much and have missed!!!!And the food is going to be amazing!!!!Tucker's sure know how to prepare food....So on another note my husband has noticed I have been freaking out about not having baby stuff-so bless his heart he went and bought me a changing table/dresser and he surprised me with a stroller carseat combo yesterday!!!!What a great man.... He knows this whole not shopping thing is killing me. I mean how many times do you get to go shopping for baby stuff? And since God has such a great sense of humor with placing our children 6 years apart....So shopping begins(online) and I am feeling less anxiety as 1 more thing is checked off my list of buys. Well 2 I guess.. What an awesome man Mike is!!!! Love him to pieces!!!!
So I wanted to give you all an update on the doctor appointment. And tell you about how blessed I feel today. I want to thank everyone for their prayers and support, I could not have made it this far with out any of you so thank you, thank you, thank you.....
God is good!!!!!!

May 9

Good morning. Sorry it's been so long since I wrote. I got a lot of emails last week wanting to know an update. Last weekend started really rough with my little one getting sick, and by Tuesday was screaming non stop. He had his left ear drum rupture, a right ear infection, sinus infection, and left side pneumonia. Poor guy!!! That kept me busy snuggling and caring for him most of last week. Isnt strange how fast time goes when we are busy or our minds are preoccupied with other things?
This weekend marked two painful, but joyous at the same time anniversaries. It has been a year since my aunt Deb passed away from melanoma and it would have been our baby Bre's 10th birthday. Life, everyday someone losses it and everyday someone gains it. I know they are both in heaven rejoicing with our Lord and savior and they are happy as can be. I just miss them both very much!!!! But rejoice in the fact that one day I will see them again.
So a very emotional busy week of really doing nothing, but busy in a different sense.
So I went to the dr. On Tuesday. Had an ultrasound done and dr. Appt. The baby is getting bigger so they can't see the placenta that well anymore so nothing has really changed they hope. They believe there is now a blood clot forming or still trying to form behind the placenta. My thought is that must be a big blood clot!!! Anyways they will see how much baby weighs next Tuesday, they want to make sure my placenta is still nourishing the baby. I only gained .4 ounces in 2 weeks so that worries me about the baby not gaining. I am at 31 weeks praise the Lord for that. I didn't think we' d make it to 25 weeks so what an accomplishment to be writing to you at 31 weeks!!!! I know I could not have made it this far without all your prayers, not at all. So thank you from the deepest of my heart.
So I am currently on weekly non stress tests and dr. Appts and bi weekly ultrasounds. So another dr. Appt tomorrow. Hey it gives me a reason to shower get dressed AND get out of the house, it's like a field trip-Yeah! The little things that excite me these days. When I went in on Tuesday I was in a great mood,( considering the circumstances) let me tell you why 1st. Bailey's eardrum burst at 7 am, could not find a person what so ever to take him in so I did, I took him to the dr.,After that had to go get his prescription filled and of course went to star bucks cause I could barely stay awake from the night before. Dropped my poor sicko off at my moms for my ultrasound. After my ultrasound the nurse and doctor both commented that they haven't seen me so uplifted and in such good spirits in months. I told them I showered, got dressed, and got out of the house. I know it sounds like such a minut thing, but it just made me so happy and in such a good mood. Isn't that crazy how such little things can change your day. Even my kids made a comment about having old mom back,bless there hearts... So the dr gave me permission to go out on my weekly dr visit and if I am not bleeding to be able to go out 1 other day, but pick my activity carefully. Woo hoo, that is great!!!! I left so hopeful!!!! 1 day to do something- yeah!!!! But the catch was IF I am not bleeding, which I come home and have bleed the most I have ever bleed in probably 4 months Wednesday,Thursday,Friday,Saturday. I was so frustrated.... Come on God.... So I woke up yesterday on Mothers Day (and what a great Mothers day, my boys all 4 of them are so great and thoughtful,even the baby( ok mike made it)made me something from paint a pot...)and didn't bleed one drop all day,praise God!!! I hope this continues. Well it's kind of a cathch 22. If I'm not bleeding it pools behind the placenta and if I'm bleeding that's not good either,so I don't even know what to think these days, but the dr said, if I'm not bleeding I can go out. So my hope is to see my oldest Brody march in the parade Wednesday or Saturday, that is my big outing this week. Cotton candy,elephant ears and lemonade here I come!!!!! The nurse told me to eat 2 elephant ears to try to gain some weight, no problem there....best prescription I've ever gotten...
So another week gone by and hopefully another week to survive. I will keep you posted. Bags are packed for tomorrow just in case and am getting more and more mentally ready. So nothing really has changed besides the weather is nicer and I get to lay on the couch all day and look at it. But I just want to say thank you so very much for the prayers,visits,and the awesome meals for my boys and I. Everything and everyone has been so so so great!!!! Thank you and hopefully an update soon. May God bless us all this week!!!!

We have made it another week!!!!!

So yes I am still sitting around pondering what each new day will bring. But most of all are so thankful for everyones support and prayers that keep this little peanut in me and that were both healthy. It's amazing when you go through life situations who is there to help you get through the difficult times. It's just amazing the prayers, love, meals, just in general help from others.
Last Friday we received our first meal and Mike felt ashamed that we were getting meals, he stressed he didn't like it. But Monday came around, he worked in Detroit all day came home ate and went to his consistery meeting for church. He got home and told me how thankful he is for the meals, just one less thing he has to do and worry about. I think that both Mike and I are such independent people that it's just hard to break down that wall of our security, but God knows that and us inside and out, that I believe he's just working in us to have to break us down. We don't always just need ourselves and we are learning this one day at a time. The meals have been amazing, when they drop them off they look just as happy as we are receiving them. How great is that to give and feel great? Our God is truly amazing!!!! He gives to us all the time!!!
Every morning I've been just opening my Bible and reading where I open up. I have read some very great chapters this last few weeks. I read on Job 35 this morning. I just have to say God leads me to these chapters 100%. It talks about sinning and I want to recap a little for you. Elihu is asking- what do I gain by not sinning? If I sin how does this effect me? If you are righteous what do you give to God or what does he receive from you? God does not listen to our empty pleas. Sometimes we wonder if being faithful to our convictions really does any good at all. God is still concerned even though he doesn't intervene immediately in every situation. In Gods time. We have his promise on that. Don't lose hope, wait upon God. He notices our faith. Is it just me or is he speaking to me? God is so amazing, so very amazing!!!!
So we have reached another week, praise God!!! And I haven't written much this week because I have had such good company visit with me, which I am so thankful for. It keeps my mind off the negatives. I know a lot of people wonder,care and are worried about us. We are hanging in there 1 day at a time.... And really do appreciate everything from the bottom of our hearts. We will keep you updated. Next doctor appointment is Tuesday, I am trying mentally to become more and more prepared for what's to come, and I'm not to be honest, but trying to accept that it is out of my control at this point and am trying everything in my power to hang in there. Still scared to death of a c section. I don't know how all you women do them, but I know you have to do what you have to do. And I have to accept it, I'm trying... I think it's everything really that its all out of my control at this point that scares me and drives me nuts. I want to have a plan, I want it to work out in my way, I want it to be done in my way. Sound familiar? I, I, I...... If only life was that easy. But if it was we wouldn't get to the relying on God part. If we didn't have this happen to us we would have just taken the whole pregnancy for granted, as we do with much of our lives. It's like we think we deserve it. We deserve nothing to go wrong in our lives and everything to go just right. But it's the complete opposite. We deserve nothing. Really we don't..... By Gods grace he loves us and cares for us....and gives us all things.
So thank you again for the love you've shown us and may God bless you this day....

Friday

Good morning to you all. Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. I feel I am a horrible wife and mother. I can't stand not running them all around and playing with them and just doing normal day to day stuff. Man did I take just even the little things for granted. As probably many of us do. I thank God I have a great husband. He has been so strong through all of this. He works hard everyday to provide for us. On most nights he works late, comes home, cooks dinner, runs kids to sport practices, gets them home, snacks, homework, showers, and puts them to bed. I hope and pray he does not run too low too fast... He is such an amazing father, husband, and provider and I feel so blessed that God has given him to me for the last 11 years.
I wanted to share with you a verse my friend and maid of honor lyndsey wrote to me the other day that I focused my devotions on this morning. Jeremiah 29. I want to highlight a few key verses. "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." as I read in my study Bible- it states God is our leader, he knows our future, and his plan for us is good and full of hope. It doesn't mean that that we will be spared from pain, suffering, or hardship, but that God will see us through to a glorious conclusion.
How easy is that? It is so hard when you go through stuff in your lives that is out of your control. We want quick fixes and now.... That's who we are... But we just have to believe and have faith that God truly is all around us at all times and knows all things. He knew we would go through this, long ago. And he could have not had it happen, but I believe through trials and tests we rely on him even more and trust in him and it always makes us stronger. So we must whole heartedly give God our hearts, our joys and our hurts, because he is right next to us leading us in HIS plan, not ours!!! For it is his plans, not mine.... I have to constantly remind myself of this on an hourly basis. I can't change his plan for me, I can't...I just have to have faith!!!!
So I pray that this day will go good, emotionally and physically. I pray that God will keep my placenta attached to the wall of my uterus, my water does not break and that my spirit is lifted. I know you can do all things Lord, in Jesus name....Amen.....

Update....

Just got back from our Dr. Appointment.. I want to begin by thanking all of you for your prayers,truly from the bottom of our hearts. It's been a rough 4 and a half weeks. We appreciate all the support,thoughts,and really just everything.
So Dr. looked at ultrasound pictures and last months pictures show fresh blood behind placenta where it is detaching from my uterus. This ultrasound shows that it is even more detached but it looks like my body is trying to clot it off. Which we don't know yet if it is, but it looks like it. Which is good, but I still continue to bleed daily and it has made my bag of water weak as it drips blood on it. So two things he is concerned about. My bag of water popping and/or my placenta tearing off uterine wall. So he said were going to take it 1 day at a time. Baby needs to cook a little longer. I got my second steroid shot today and they would like baby to absorb it for 72 hours. So we are hoping for the best. Next appt. and ultrasound is in 13 days. So keep my feet up and relax was dr's orders and just take it 1 day at a time at this point.(if you know me, you know this is going to be difficult-I can't sit still,never could)So good news, but yet not the best we could have gotten. But thanks to all the prayers and continued prayers my placenta stays attached and my bag of water hangs in there.
I did pack this morning to prepare myself for bed rest at hospital or c section stay. I am a planner so that has helped me feel prepared at least for now. Still anxious about c section. I am the type of person that doesn't even take a pill for a headache, let alone all my deliveries without drugs. I can't stand not having control over things, I think that's what scares me and the fact that I have sat in on c sections and know what happens on the other side of the curtain. I like being the nurse, not the patient!!!!
So please, please continue your prayers... For me and the baby and of course my family as Mike and the kind people that have already volunteered keep this house rolling.
Thank you again for everything.....
We love all of you and may God bless you!!!!!

From the beginning.....

So it all starts back in October of last year. I wasn't feeling right, but I wasn't late on my period yet, but I went ahead and took a test, it came back negative. I was so happy!!!! I just passed my nursing boards 2 weeks prior and everything was going great in my life, just how I planned. I went to a friends house, came home later that night, still didn't feel right so I took the test out of the garbage and it said positive. I freaked out!!!!! So I read instructions and it said if waiting more then 10 minutes and then reading it it could be false. So I thought good- whew!!! But I couldn't shake it, so I starting drinking a lot of water. By now it's 1:30 a.m. And went to get another one. Took it and it came out positive. I was in complete shock!!!!! I couldn't believe we were pregnant-( with our last we tryed for 3 years, fertility, and we haven't prevented anything for over 5.5 years. We were told in June we couldn't get pregnant due to my ovarian cysts. Mike was schedueling his vasectomy and God must of heard us because obviously he had a totally different plan for us and we were not done.)I started screaming, crying, a whole lot of emotions came flooding in. I have a son going into high school, all my kids are in school- I finally have freedom, my life is so easy, I just went to school for 4 years to go do what I always wanted to do, my oldest wants to go to Hope- were going to have 1 in college and 1 in pre school. I'll need a bigger car,etc..... The list goes on. I flipped out. I rocked my self in the bathroom for 2 hours just trying to wrap myself around the idea of another. Life is so easy for us right now. I went into bed,but I couldn't stop crying, Mike woke up and asked what is wrong- I told him and he said ok well talk about it in the morning. It is now 4 am. He rolled over and went to bed like it was no big deal. Hello!!!!! Were starting over!!!!! I didn't understand how he could be so calm. He took it way better then I did.....

3 days later Mike left for Texas early in the morning for a week. Around 8 am I started bleeding. Just laid low that day. Bleed all day and night. Called the doctor in morning,they did Hcg levels and said just wait it out but most likely I was miscarrying. Thursday they did blood work again and Hcg levels were higher but not where they're suppose to be. They did an ultrasound that day and saw a sack but no baby- too soon to see if there's a baby,so just go home and wait. Easier said then done- especially since Mikes out of town. So 2 weeks come and go- still bleeding. 7 weeks have ultrasound and saw a heart beat,melted our hearts but still worried because I'm bleeding so much. We meet with our specialist OB DR that day. All my pregnancies were high risk( diabetes,preclamsia,low fluid, preterm labor at 4 months with all of them, you name it I've had it) so it is kind of nice to have a high risk doctor that we know and love, he prayed with us and said only 2 percent chance of miscarriage now. We walked out of there still worried, Mikes and I 2nd child past away at 14 weeks gest. Due to spina bifida so we are not out of the clear yet we thought. So dr. Appt every 4 weeks and ultrasound every 4 weeks is the plan. 4 pills of folic acid due to spina bifida(our 4th was born with a mild form also-so 2 out of 4 have it)1 81 mg aspirin for preclamsia( had it with the last 2) and a z PAC for the preterm labor to prevent and a prenatal. Mike jokes I need a pill container!!! So we have a plan in place.
Weeks go by and still bleeding- have decided not to tell anyone were pregnant except close family because we don't know what's going to happen, with the bleeding and spina bifida.
This pregnancy has been great really the best feeling one at least. I didn't gain a lot of weight at the beginning so no one could tell either. So we decided after the ultrasound at 21 weeks we'd tell people. But we just didn't get around to it. So when we went to our ultrasound at 24 weeks and found out we have issues,people just don't even know were expecting let alone what we have have gone through.
So still through this whole thing I'm still bleeding. 4 weeks ago went in for the usual ultrasound and appt. They found why I am bleeding. My placenta is missing 2 chunks out of it and is starting to detach from my uterine wall(placenta abruptio) I was I think in shock. Cried all the way home. Why Lord can I not have 1 normal pregnancy out of 5. WHY??? I was heartbroken, truly. Crying while I'm writing. So bed rest again for the 4 th time. I thank God my kids are older this time around that they can take care of themselves for the most part. So that night Mike and I just cryed and kind of mourned together. We found some amazing blogs of people that had 24 threw 28 week old babies and gave us some hope. We relied on these blogs a lot. I mean how can a baby survive at 24 weeks? I was just devastated!! I thank God for blogs, I know that sounds crazy but it has helped so much. So I hope mine helps someone.
So the last 4 weeks I have really been doing nothing, so then yesterday getting ready for today I thought okay prepare,prepare... I always think the worst- that's who I am. So very nervous for today.
Mike and I left at 8:30 got there and had our ultrasound. Baby is 2 lbs 11 oz-give or take some. Meet with dr after u/s. I gained only 5.8 lbs which is good, very good,loving food!!!! Swiss cake rolls and coke!!!! No GDM,no protein in urine everything good so far. Dr came in, not good-placenta is even farther detached and blood is pooling behind it. It's called a chronic placenta abruptio. It is slivering down. Her goal last time was 28 weeks and we made it to 28 weeks so very happy for that. 80 percent survival at this point. So she sat down and talked to us about having a c section. Even if I went into labor on my own my placenta would not hold up in labor. I'm so devasted. I just wanted 1. 1 normal pregnancy!!!! I could not even do that. I'm just so sad and mad and a whole kind of mix of emotions. They gave baby steroids today at noon and called my high risk DR in GR. We see him tomorrow and get our next dose of steroids. So lots of prayers tonight. Lots of tears tonight. I just can't believe from the beginning of not wanting this baby to now of wanting this baby more then anything. I believe God has a plan for everything and we trust and hope in him for all things. One of us will post tomorrow an update. Please pray for my anxiety for a c section, the baby to be healthy and that tomorrow will go as great as it can be. God we love you and know that you know all things.....

Why I started a blog....

It all started 4 weeks ago today that mikes and my life changed a lot, we came home from our doctor appointment and started looking up info on my diagnoses and found many blogs that have helped us so much get through these tough times so I thought I would start a blog because it has helped us so much get through this journey we have been going through, that I hope my blog helps others that have gone through this and are going through what we are going through.