We have made it another week!!!!!

So yes I am still sitting around pondering what each new day will bring. But most of all are so thankful for everyones support and prayers that keep this little peanut in me and that were both healthy. It's amazing when you go through life situations who is there to help you get through the difficult times. It's just amazing the prayers, love, meals, just in general help from others.
Last Friday we received our first meal and Mike felt ashamed that we were getting meals, he stressed he didn't like it. But Monday came around, he worked in Detroit all day came home ate and went to his consistery meeting for church. He got home and told me how thankful he is for the meals, just one less thing he has to do and worry about. I think that both Mike and I are such independent people that it's just hard to break down that wall of our security, but God knows that and us inside and out, that I believe he's just working in us to have to break us down. We don't always just need ourselves and we are learning this one day at a time. The meals have been amazing, when they drop them off they look just as happy as we are receiving them. How great is that to give and feel great? Our God is truly amazing!!!! He gives to us all the time!!!
Every morning I've been just opening my Bible and reading where I open up. I have read some very great chapters this last few weeks. I read on Job 35 this morning. I just have to say God leads me to these chapters 100%. It talks about sinning and I want to recap a little for you. Elihu is asking- what do I gain by not sinning? If I sin how does this effect me? If you are righteous what do you give to God or what does he receive from you? God does not listen to our empty pleas. Sometimes we wonder if being faithful to our convictions really does any good at all. God is still concerned even though he doesn't intervene immediately in every situation. In Gods time. We have his promise on that. Don't lose hope, wait upon God. He notices our faith. Is it just me or is he speaking to me? God is so amazing, so very amazing!!!!
So we have reached another week, praise God!!! And I haven't written much this week because I have had such good company visit with me, which I am so thankful for. It keeps my mind off the negatives. I know a lot of people wonder,care and are worried about us. We are hanging in there 1 day at a time.... And really do appreciate everything from the bottom of our hearts. We will keep you updated. Next doctor appointment is Tuesday, I am trying mentally to become more and more prepared for what's to come, and I'm not to be honest, but trying to accept that it is out of my control at this point and am trying everything in my power to hang in there. Still scared to death of a c section. I don't know how all you women do them, but I know you have to do what you have to do. And I have to accept it, I'm trying... I think it's everything really that its all out of my control at this point that scares me and drives me nuts. I want to have a plan, I want it to work out in my way, I want it to be done in my way. Sound familiar? I, I, I...... If only life was that easy. But if it was we wouldn't get to the relying on God part. If we didn't have this happen to us we would have just taken the whole pregnancy for granted, as we do with much of our lives. It's like we think we deserve it. We deserve nothing to go wrong in our lives and everything to go just right. But it's the complete opposite. We deserve nothing. Really we don't..... By Gods grace he loves us and cares for us....and gives us all things.
So thank you again for the love you've shown us and may God bless you this day....

Friday

Good morning to you all. Yesterday was a very emotional day for me. I feel I am a horrible wife and mother. I can't stand not running them all around and playing with them and just doing normal day to day stuff. Man did I take just even the little things for granted. As probably many of us do. I thank God I have a great husband. He has been so strong through all of this. He works hard everyday to provide for us. On most nights he works late, comes home, cooks dinner, runs kids to sport practices, gets them home, snacks, homework, showers, and puts them to bed. I hope and pray he does not run too low too fast... He is such an amazing father, husband, and provider and I feel so blessed that God has given him to me for the last 11 years.
I wanted to share with you a verse my friend and maid of honor lyndsey wrote to me the other day that I focused my devotions on this morning. Jeremiah 29. I want to highlight a few key verses. "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, " plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." as I read in my study Bible- it states God is our leader, he knows our future, and his plan for us is good and full of hope. It doesn't mean that that we will be spared from pain, suffering, or hardship, but that God will see us through to a glorious conclusion.
How easy is that? It is so hard when you go through stuff in your lives that is out of your control. We want quick fixes and now.... That's who we are... But we just have to believe and have faith that God truly is all around us at all times and knows all things. He knew we would go through this, long ago. And he could have not had it happen, but I believe through trials and tests we rely on him even more and trust in him and it always makes us stronger. So we must whole heartedly give God our hearts, our joys and our hurts, because he is right next to us leading us in HIS plan, not ours!!! For it is his plans, not mine.... I have to constantly remind myself of this on an hourly basis. I can't change his plan for me, I can't...I just have to have faith!!!!
So I pray that this day will go good, emotionally and physically. I pray that God will keep my placenta attached to the wall of my uterus, my water does not break and that my spirit is lifted. I know you can do all things Lord, in Jesus name....Amen.....

Update....

Just got back from our Dr. Appointment.. I want to begin by thanking all of you for your prayers,truly from the bottom of our hearts. It's been a rough 4 and a half weeks. We appreciate all the support,thoughts,and really just everything.
So Dr. looked at ultrasound pictures and last months pictures show fresh blood behind placenta where it is detaching from my uterus. This ultrasound shows that it is even more detached but it looks like my body is trying to clot it off. Which we don't know yet if it is, but it looks like it. Which is good, but I still continue to bleed daily and it has made my bag of water weak as it drips blood on it. So two things he is concerned about. My bag of water popping and/or my placenta tearing off uterine wall. So he said were going to take it 1 day at a time. Baby needs to cook a little longer. I got my second steroid shot today and they would like baby to absorb it for 72 hours. So we are hoping for the best. Next appt. and ultrasound is in 13 days. So keep my feet up and relax was dr's orders and just take it 1 day at a time at this point.(if you know me, you know this is going to be difficult-I can't sit still,never could)So good news, but yet not the best we could have gotten. But thanks to all the prayers and continued prayers my placenta stays attached and my bag of water hangs in there.
I did pack this morning to prepare myself for bed rest at hospital or c section stay. I am a planner so that has helped me feel prepared at least for now. Still anxious about c section. I am the type of person that doesn't even take a pill for a headache, let alone all my deliveries without drugs. I can't stand not having control over things, I think that's what scares me and the fact that I have sat in on c sections and know what happens on the other side of the curtain. I like being the nurse, not the patient!!!!
So please, please continue your prayers... For me and the baby and of course my family as Mike and the kind people that have already volunteered keep this house rolling.
Thank you again for everything.....
We love all of you and may God bless you!!!!!

From the beginning.....

So it all starts back in October of last year. I wasn't feeling right, but I wasn't late on my period yet, but I went ahead and took a test, it came back negative. I was so happy!!!! I just passed my nursing boards 2 weeks prior and everything was going great in my life, just how I planned. I went to a friends house, came home later that night, still didn't feel right so I took the test out of the garbage and it said positive. I freaked out!!!!! So I read instructions and it said if waiting more then 10 minutes and then reading it it could be false. So I thought good- whew!!! But I couldn't shake it, so I starting drinking a lot of water. By now it's 1:30 a.m. And went to get another one. Took it and it came out positive. I was in complete shock!!!!! I couldn't believe we were pregnant-( with our last we tryed for 3 years, fertility, and we haven't prevented anything for over 5.5 years. We were told in June we couldn't get pregnant due to my ovarian cysts. Mike was schedueling his vasectomy and God must of heard us because obviously he had a totally different plan for us and we were not done.)I started screaming, crying, a whole lot of emotions came flooding in. I have a son going into high school, all my kids are in school- I finally have freedom, my life is so easy, I just went to school for 4 years to go do what I always wanted to do, my oldest wants to go to Hope- were going to have 1 in college and 1 in pre school. I'll need a bigger car,etc..... The list goes on. I flipped out. I rocked my self in the bathroom for 2 hours just trying to wrap myself around the idea of another. Life is so easy for us right now. I went into bed,but I couldn't stop crying, Mike woke up and asked what is wrong- I told him and he said ok well talk about it in the morning. It is now 4 am. He rolled over and went to bed like it was no big deal. Hello!!!!! Were starting over!!!!! I didn't understand how he could be so calm. He took it way better then I did.....

3 days later Mike left for Texas early in the morning for a week. Around 8 am I started bleeding. Just laid low that day. Bleed all day and night. Called the doctor in morning,they did Hcg levels and said just wait it out but most likely I was miscarrying. Thursday they did blood work again and Hcg levels were higher but not where they're suppose to be. They did an ultrasound that day and saw a sack but no baby- too soon to see if there's a baby,so just go home and wait. Easier said then done- especially since Mikes out of town. So 2 weeks come and go- still bleeding. 7 weeks have ultrasound and saw a heart beat,melted our hearts but still worried because I'm bleeding so much. We meet with our specialist OB DR that day. All my pregnancies were high risk( diabetes,preclamsia,low fluid, preterm labor at 4 months with all of them, you name it I've had it) so it is kind of nice to have a high risk doctor that we know and love, he prayed with us and said only 2 percent chance of miscarriage now. We walked out of there still worried, Mikes and I 2nd child past away at 14 weeks gest. Due to spina bifida so we are not out of the clear yet we thought. So dr. Appt every 4 weeks and ultrasound every 4 weeks is the plan. 4 pills of folic acid due to spina bifida(our 4th was born with a mild form also-so 2 out of 4 have it)1 81 mg aspirin for preclamsia( had it with the last 2) and a z PAC for the preterm labor to prevent and a prenatal. Mike jokes I need a pill container!!! So we have a plan in place.
Weeks go by and still bleeding- have decided not to tell anyone were pregnant except close family because we don't know what's going to happen, with the bleeding and spina bifida.
This pregnancy has been great really the best feeling one at least. I didn't gain a lot of weight at the beginning so no one could tell either. So we decided after the ultrasound at 21 weeks we'd tell people. But we just didn't get around to it. So when we went to our ultrasound at 24 weeks and found out we have issues,people just don't even know were expecting let alone what we have have gone through.
So still through this whole thing I'm still bleeding. 4 weeks ago went in for the usual ultrasound and appt. They found why I am bleeding. My placenta is missing 2 chunks out of it and is starting to detach from my uterine wall(placenta abruptio) I was I think in shock. Cried all the way home. Why Lord can I not have 1 normal pregnancy out of 5. WHY??? I was heartbroken, truly. Crying while I'm writing. So bed rest again for the 4 th time. I thank God my kids are older this time around that they can take care of themselves for the most part. So that night Mike and I just cryed and kind of mourned together. We found some amazing blogs of people that had 24 threw 28 week old babies and gave us some hope. We relied on these blogs a lot. I mean how can a baby survive at 24 weeks? I was just devastated!! I thank God for blogs, I know that sounds crazy but it has helped so much. So I hope mine helps someone.
So the last 4 weeks I have really been doing nothing, so then yesterday getting ready for today I thought okay prepare,prepare... I always think the worst- that's who I am. So very nervous for today.
Mike and I left at 8:30 got there and had our ultrasound. Baby is 2 lbs 11 oz-give or take some. Meet with dr after u/s. I gained only 5.8 lbs which is good, very good,loving food!!!! Swiss cake rolls and coke!!!! No GDM,no protein in urine everything good so far. Dr came in, not good-placenta is even farther detached and blood is pooling behind it. It's called a chronic placenta abruptio. It is slivering down. Her goal last time was 28 weeks and we made it to 28 weeks so very happy for that. 80 percent survival at this point. So she sat down and talked to us about having a c section. Even if I went into labor on my own my placenta would not hold up in labor. I'm so devasted. I just wanted 1. 1 normal pregnancy!!!! I could not even do that. I'm just so sad and mad and a whole kind of mix of emotions. They gave baby steroids today at noon and called my high risk DR in GR. We see him tomorrow and get our next dose of steroids. So lots of prayers tonight. Lots of tears tonight. I just can't believe from the beginning of not wanting this baby to now of wanting this baby more then anything. I believe God has a plan for everything and we trust and hope in him for all things. One of us will post tomorrow an update. Please pray for my anxiety for a c section, the baby to be healthy and that tomorrow will go as great as it can be. God we love you and know that you know all things.....

Why I started a blog....

It all started 4 weeks ago today that mikes and my life changed a lot, we came home from our doctor appointment and started looking up info on my diagnoses and found many blogs that have helped us so much get through these tough times so I thought I would start a blog because it has helped us so much get through this journey we have been going through, that I hope my blog helps others that have gone through this and are going through what we are going through.